Forgiveness, Part 2

Hi, I'm John Lynch, and this is John Lynch Speaks. Well, today is the second part of a two-part series on Forgiveness. And so much of what I understand about forgiveness, real forgiveness has been formed by my time with Bill Thrall and Bruce McNichol and some of the writings that we've done. If you remember last time I had gotten to that place where hooks were embedded in me because I’d come to a place of saying, “God, I don't think You can any longer handle me. And I will go this on my own.” They say that the antidote to hurt is forgiveness. But what kind of forgiveness? The forgiveness that I grew up on was just me simply faking it. “All right. I'm sorry.” And inside I’m not sorry. So it'll take something different. 

For me to come back, the very first thing I'm going to have to do as sick as I am, wherever I am in that process, I've got to admit something happened. I got to say it out loud. Admitting something happens is hard because I have to admit that it has power over me. That person who I want to say has no power over me. Obviously apparently had some power over me. And now I need to get it out. All of it. So much of our lack of forgiveness has to do with what we ask forgiveness for. “I'm sorry that, I want to be well, and I forgive that person for hurting me.” No, there's like a long list. He caused my reputation. He hurt me, in my ability and process of thought. There's a long list of that and the Person who wants to hear it and has been waiting to hear it is our God. And we haven't been talking much because I'm upset with Him that He hasn't done more the way I want it in the timing that I wanted. So now I get to let Him back in.

And He says with His hands-on His chin and His elbows on his knees, He says, “Bring it, kid, give it all to Me, just get it out. Just say it.” It’s a beautiful time between my God and me because I'm back. He never moved. But in our relationship, ah, it's beautiful. This is a beautiful moment. And He listens to it all and He waits and He doesn't judge. And He doesn't say, “See, I told you so.” Now it's time to forgive for my benefit. See, there is horizontal forgiveness isn't there? Where you and I eventually get to say to each other, “I really hurt you in this area. And I, I want you to know, I want to ask for your forgiveness.” I first want to tell you that I hear what you're saying. In fact, I want to repeat it back to you and they get to do the same. And it, your relationship is stronger than ever. And sometimes you can't do that. Sometimes the violator is a violator and you can't be around them or they pass away or whatever.

But this forgiveness is horizontal. What has to happen first is I have to get the hooks out of me. So God offers me a way for the hooks to get out. It's simply this. He says, “I protect the humble and I stand against the proud.” So I have to make this crazy choice. This is my life, but I get to say, “God, I get sick when I play judge and jury, it always makes me sick. You're the only one who can deal with judgment and not get sick. So You go, You be judge and jury, and I will let it go. I'll let it, I’ll leave it.” It's a choice. And so I do. And in that moment, “I go, God, please be Big God, because this is freaking me out. What if you don't come through? What if you don't do anything?” This is that beautiful moment that the angels watch. And I say, “Okay, I'm trusting You with me. I'm trusting You with the situation.” (Hooks coming out noises) And the hooks come out. It's miraculous really. In fact, the way I can tell if I did forgive for my benefit, is I will have love now for this person. I will want them to get well because they're feeling guilt and they're stuck. They're stuck in their own thing.

It's a beautiful place. I always call it an 86% or an 89% healing because I'll go to a party and I'll see that person again, who I have forgiven for my benefit. And maybe we haven't had a chance to be with each other and we haven't done this yet. And I'll see that person and it'll freak me out. They'll be doing fine. And I, and all those feelings well up again. And I run into the bathroom and I hide, lock the door, just look into the mirror and “Go what happened? What happened there?” And God gets to have His arm around me and say, “So you got a little freaked out there, didn't you? What if, would you like it if we went back out there again, knowing that my arms around you and I got your back, and I'm so proud of you, or you could stay in here for the rest of your life, but that just doesn't seem like a good plan.” And I say, “Yeah, I'd like to go back out there with You and Your arm around me and I'll be okay. Thank you, God.” Well, that's forgiveness the best I know it. I'm John Lynch and this is John Lynch Speaks.